DEFINE BELIEVE..DEFINE BELIEVE…Sometimes as life thrusts a blow, we are shaken in our reality. We loose faith and focus on the good in life, allow our dreams to be stolen.Hopefully only temporary. Thats when we are tested. First believe in your self.It cost you nothing to try. DEFINE BELIEVE. Would you rather choose in lack or anxiety? Or deny this, refocus your imagination.On abundance and good. What is there to lose.?You only stand to gain.DEFINE BELIEVE. Your imagination is your tool. To believe and define who you want to be.Love,health and wealth is our divine right on this earth.l truly BELIEVE. We also have the freedom to choose and sometimes choose lack and limitation. DEFINE BELIEVE. Its up to us how we use our imagination for good or bad? It’s up to you.
Here l am standing in the mirror looking at my beer belly and balding.
My arms look like a sagging Souffl’e no puff just saggy stuff.
The gut and the butt a result of to much glut!
Yet l have managed to have this beautiful fit blonde as my partner.
Pays to be a legend in my own mind! Another way to DEFINE BELIEVE.
Confidence can get you over the line l have discovered.
DEFINE BELIEVE.Imagination is a powerful force..
Every thing l see around me has been imagined first before it becomes real.
As with ourselves you can imagine your self in poverty or prosperity.
DEFINE BELIEVE. It is easier to live life prosperous and healthy,You choose,desire and choice.It comes to you, as you or l choose to believe.
DEFINE BELIEVE.I need to revalue my self, look at who l am for what l am..A fat beer bellied alcoholic.
I take responsibility for this dysfunctional addiction.l will change.l must change .Or die in my own sin,a slow death.Drinking to oblivion!
Time travel can send you back in time or to the future..rather than the present oblivion.
To remember the person l once was and not an alcoholic..Or to imagine the future.Of what is possible.
To be the best version of the man l know l can be. My voice in my head just pushing me out in life to do something. First step,l make an appointment with the doctor and have a blood test.
The results are not good. A fatty liver,high uric acid which is gout. l am heading towards a diabetic..DEFINE BELIEVE.
That week l call the gym who are personal trainers..just an enquiry l say..Jason the boss follows up the week later..l am procrastinating.
This battle inside me goes on for months.Jason like a dog on bone just won’t let go and persists on those calls to join up. DEFINE BELIEVE.
l am drinking and my mind is at war telling me to change.
In the meantime l am watching Monique going to the gym when she is not binge drinking..She looks amazing…Can l really change my life?.DEFINE BELIEVE.
Can.l really change my body? This fat fifty eighty yr old alcoholic..can l really change?
Can l time travel into the future and see a new body..A healthy me?
l just don’t know if l can do this.This is harder than lifting my self out of poverty of being homeless.
One ordinary day turns into an extraordinary decision. An ordinary day turns into the the most momentous awakening.DEFINE BELIEVE.
l can’t describe it,a calm decision as from now, l will go buy some gym gear.I made a booking with Jason at the gym.My first day at the gym I didn’t even have a proper bag to put my gear in.
That day l got a referral to the drug and alcohol clinic at the Royal Nth Shore Hospital.
On that day..that ordinary day in March 2015 l stopped sugar. I gave up drinking..l went for my first session at the gym.
l came home with a new diet given to me by Jason. Within that week l ended a journey of self destruction.A new era..Yeah you will say l won’t make it and go back to my drinking..
Well people don’t know me..Do they?
A term l heard once is “Brazen Impudence” never taking no for an answer.
Turn within to find your God power and persist.DEFINE BELIEVE..
Behaviours can change if you repeat and repeat..push out into the world.
The right people will come into yr life to support you.
They always have and always will.To me it has been proven.
l have discovered that l can get caught up in the facts..yes l am fat..yes I drank to much and l am 58yr old alcoholic.
The news feeds you the facts all the time.We are inundated with news of the world .People creating their own limitations by negativity..Why not turn to the “l AM”..God within and pray!
Turn to the imagination within and practice your vision.Break those chains!
DEFINE BELIEVE.Time travel from now to where you want to be.
From this moment and on.l havn’t had a drink or any sugar.l am in the gym three days a week.My diet has changed.I don’t know how l can do this l truly don’t have a rational answer.
There is a fire inside me just pushing on forward.
DEFINE BELIEVE.I couldn’t do it without support..My personal trainer,the therapist at the drug clinic..
Watching Monique regularly go to the gym at 5am..
All had a large motivating effect.Subconsciously this is one important component.Love it when I am told I will give up.It just makes me more determined
I turn to “l AM” To the God within and pray for strength.DEFINE BELIEVE..
I can’t describe it.like a light switch just turned on. Everyone around me thinks l will give up.
This just drives me on.I had one lapse after a disastrous day in the business and drank that night..I had a 7am appointment at the gym the next morning.
I turned up with a massive hangover..
The guys in the gym knew this and pushed me even harder to the point of vomiting all over my self.l could hear from my trainer’Hey Karl we going to finish this?You can’t give up’.
DEFINE BELIEVE. So with vomit on me l pushed till that session was done..The boys in the gym
taught me a lessson.Don’t worry about the facts,do it anyway.DEFINE BELIEVE.
It also was the cross roads l need to choose..Alcohol or fitness and health?I didn’t touch a drop of alcohol for the next 18months.In that period of time l lost nearly 20kg.
I started to jog as well up to 19 kilometers.So much had happened in that 16 month period l don’t know where to start.
DEFINE BELIEVE.. l changed my state of being and my world changed..It only took 6 months for the weight to pile off.l went from 89 kg down to a scrawny 70kg.
DEFINE BELIEVE..From a size 36 waist down to 30. I Started small running spurts to a regular17 kilometer run.
I looked very much gaunt and had excess skin from the sudden weight loss. DEFINE BELIEVE.
The guys at the gym say you need to strip fat first before you build muscle..So true. I had another blood test and everything was back to normal
A miracle in my mind! My mates at the pub were just waiting for me to go back to drinking.
I would regularly stop by the pub and use this a a reverse form of motivation..Beers would be bought for me and put in front of me.
DEFINE BELIEVE.l would sip mineral water instead..l don’t really understand how l managed this.
A sort of fear would overcome me when l saw that beer in front of me.
DEFINE BELIEVE.An internal flame just pushed on and l just drank mineral water in defiance ,with God beside me.
You would think my relationship with Monique would improve..It got worse!..
No longer l would buy into the alcohol game.I struggled to keep conversation with people that drank a lot.
This made me unpopular, Especially with Monique.
On her drinking days the disparity became greater and arguments would form.
I remember one sunny Sunday afternoon leaving Monique in a drunk state and going for a jog on the beach.
Later l got a call from her in a suicidal state. When you come down with alcohol and antidepressants combined, The anxiety and depression can be devastating.
I am no doctor but I have personally experienced this and witnessed it on others.
Monique was in bad way and this is the second time this has happened.
DEFINE BELIEVE.I made a dash home while keeping her on the phone to find her sitting on the floor curled up drunk..
Remember out of respect her real name has been changed.
This is the woman who on good days would motivate me to become fit like her..
On the bad days a completely different person.
I would feel sorry for her and want to help..DEFINE BELIEVE.You can only accept help if you choose to help yourself.
On January 1st New Years day Monique informed me she is moving out and our relationship is over.
She was out within 3 days..Of course l was devastated..l helped her financially with her medical course..l was angry and felt betrayed..used! Though relieved.
The day she moved out l bought new paintings and cleaned the place up to look like a luxury apartment should look..
Prior the place was a cluttered mess.Now it has a new clean energy a fresh start.
DEFINE BELIEVE.I vowed l would not drown my sorrows in alcohol..Instead l threw my self into fitness.
l channelled my anger into the gym.l went for long runs.Meditation and visualization were my tools.DEFINE BELIEVE.
Trust me it works. End of your journey.Will be the beginning of a new one..
DEFINE BELIEF. Forgiveness.
A realization that we attract each other for different reasons.
l need to forgive Monique and wish her well and hope her alcohol addiction is in control..
Forgiveness releases you and everyone concerned. Little did l realize the best is yet to come!
.DEFINE BELIEVE. As l have mentioned before people come into my business from all walks of life..
I seem to attract people from the Christian faith.DEFINE BELIEVE.
Amazing theology has been discussed while in my hair salon.
A topic l enjoy when no one is around,unless they are likeminded..One person who stands out is a lady called Louise..
A weekly client who talks about the Christian Church she is part of..As a new years resolution l promised to come and see.
Now l am used to going to a Carholic Church in my past though l havn’t attended for many years..l just found it hard to connect.
This Christian church called LifeSource in Chatswood Sydney.
A prosperous mission church. They have singing and food galore. More of a social connection through God.
The handwaving l found time to get used to..Though that just seems natural now, in time.
DEFINE BELIEVE..People from all walks of life come..I must say it was an eye opener.
I felt like l have been sleepwalking through life till this day.
Now l am not easily sold by a large group mentality but this is different.DEFINE BELIEVE.
The head pastor and his wife have grown this church with the help of other great people into a prosperous supporting church.
Spreading love goodwill.Some of the sermons are just powerful.
DEFINE BELIEVE.. This church spreading the message of God.Also giving back through out the community and the world in help.
I went home wanting to hear more.l was where l needed to be.
DEFINE BELIEVE.Running my business on a daily basis..
Going to the gym and jogging kept me focused.Now attending this Christian Church is exactly what l need to take my mind of the breakup of myself and Monique.
Though l have been a spiritual person, l learnt how to improve my life.To allow God into my heart.
To be a better version of my self..The two most influential people in that period were Jason from Vision trainers in Willoughby who helped me through my weight loss.
I kept a good diet and on my way to a fit body.As a result a healthy mind.DEFINE BELIEVE.
The other man is John Luliano from Life Source Christian Church in Chatswood..who gave me a spiritual direction and strengh to move forward..and still does today.
DEFINE BELIEVE.This may sound amazing.In less than 8 months l have given up alcohol after ten yrs to become fit and lost weight.DEFINE BELIEVE.
l am jogging on a regular basis..My relationship with God is anew..I have found the holy spirit within..This is all possible.From a homeless alcoholic to this stage in my life.
The best is yet to come..l look back and see how far l have come..
Yes a broken heart and a feeling of betrayal regarding Monique.DEFINE BELIEVE..
Forgiveness is the lesson. ln the large scheme of things.
This is a small price to pay considering the help from all the people l have met along my journey to this point..
Louise the lady who introduced me to her church has become my female mentor..Us men should always have one good female to pull us into line as a mentor.
Forgiveness is a lesson l have learnt in my life time and time again.
My ex wife and l is a continual challenge to forgive one another..
l believe we are connected with children and forgiving my son for some of the things he has done and said.
For he is young and not knowledgeable of life experience yet.
My asking my two sons for forgiveness, for a broken marriage and not being a father around a lot is a continual process.
So it goes round and round.DEFINE BELIEVE.
Time to forgive Monique for leaving suddenly, leaving a financial debt.
l told her I let that go.And now she is a medical nurse that would have not been possible without my financial help.
It’s only money anyway used for a good purpose.
DEFINE BELIEVE. I sent Monique a message on her birthday a couple months later wishing her well.
Not to go thru life with a burden of debt or fear that I will chase her for money.
Never have that hold on anyone.Let it go…Set her free..l would do it again!
Time to set us free.DEFINE BELIEVE. The only way you truly forgive is when you forget.When you think of your reality.
Keep it positive with love. Then move forward with a spring in your step..
DEFINE BELIEVE.I must trust in the belief that we are all connected in this universe.To help and love..
This way we grow…Even when it hurts!!
DEFINE BELIEVE..l hardly think of Monique now.Sometimes we do talk…It’s all good.
To be honest l can hardly wait to finish this blog and leave the past behind. l need to move forward..To the now..To the future..The best is yet to come…….,,
To be continued.